Want to be one of the lucky ones? What it takes to have a happy marriage.
A happy marriage takes effort on the part of both partners. Learn what it takes to have a happy marriage and make your partner feel loved, valued, safe and secure. BetterHelp offers private, affordable online counseling when you need it from licensed, board-accredited therapists. Get help, you deserve to be happy! ?·?What it takes to have a happy marriage. While it may appear obvious, the couples that make it are those that are committed to making their marriage work. And the flipside is true as well. Those that are not committed to their marriage, do not usually make it. More inspiration for you on what it takes to have a happy marriage.
Defense is the first act of war. When people used to say, "Katie, you don't listen," I would immediately bristle and respond, "Of course I listen! How dare you say that! Who do you think you are? I listen! And I was the one who could end it. It doesn't take two people to end war; it takes only one. The ego hates criticism and loves agreement.
Actually, for the ego, love is nothing more than agreement. A relationship is two people who agree with each other's stories. If I agree with you, you love me. And the minute I don't agree with you, the moment I question one of your sacred beliefs, I become your enemy; you divorce me in your mind.
Then you start looking for all the reasons why you're right, and you stay focused outside yourself. When you're focused outside and believe that your problem is caused by someone else, rather than by your attachment to the story you're believing in the moment, you are your own victim, and the situation appears to be hopeless.
Your partner is your mirror. Except for the way you perceive him, he doesn't even exist for you. He is who you see he is, and ultimately it's just you again, thinking. It's just you, over and over and over, and in this way you remain blind to yourself and feel justified and lost. To think that your partner is anything but a mirror of you is painful. So when you see him as flawed in any way, you can be sure that that's where your own flaw is.
The flaw has to be in your thinking, because you're the one projecting it. You are always what you judge us to be in the moment. There's no exception. You are your own suffering; you are your own happiness. There's no way to truly join your partner except by getting free of your belief that you need something from him that he's not giving. Nothing can cost you someone you love. There's nothing your husband can possibly do to keep you from loving him. The only way you can lose him is by believing what you think.
You're one with your husband until you believe that he should look a certain way, he should give you how to integrate quickbooks with my website, he should be something other than what he is.
That's how you divorce him. Right then and there, you have lost your marriage. Of course, sometimes it's best to physically leave. If your husband is abusive, question your thoughts about why you stay.
As you enlighten yourself to what's true, you may come to see that the only sane choice is to leave him. You may love him with all your heart and simply know not to live with him. We don't have to be fearful, bitter, or angry to end a marriage. Or, if you're not ready to leave, you may stay in the marriage, but with a greater awareness of how you're abusing yourself by allowing him to abuse you. If you walk into the yard once and are bitten, the dog has bitten you. If you walk into the yard a second time and are bitten, you have bitten you.
This very awareness can change everything. By questioning your mind, you begin to realize that ultimately no one can hurt you--only you can. You see that you are percent responsible for your own happiness. This is very good news. If my husband were to have an affair and that were not okay with me, I would say, "Sweetheart, I understand that you're having an affair, and I notice that when you do that, something inside me tends to move away from you.
I don't know what that is, I only know that it's so; it mirrors your movement away from me, and What do clouds consist of want you to know that.
There is nothing I can do to stay with him, and there is nothing I can do to divorce him. I'm not running this show. I might stay with him, or I might divorce him in a state of total love, and think, This is fascinating; we promised we would be together always, and I'm divorcing him now, and I would probably laugh, love that he has what he wants, and move on, because there is no war what the best exercise to lose belly fat at home me.
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datingfuckdating.com – People have different ideas about what makes a happy marriage. But, for many, the question is one they have not asked themselves. Or at least if they have, they don’t have a definitive answer in mind. So I think it’s worthwhile to look at how other people define a happy marriage. It Only Takes One to Have a Happy Marriage. It doesn't take two people to end war in a marriage; it takes only one. And if two people have ended it, life can be twice as beautiful. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their . ?·?"Marriage demands work. A happy marriage exacts the very best of us. Yet above all, maintaining a successful marriage is a choice."—Janette K. Gibbons "Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of datingfuckdating.com: Kathryn Skaggs.
Medically Reviewed By: Richard Jackson. Source: rawpixel. What's the secret to having a happy marriage? Only a small percentage of married couples seem to have figured it out.
Yet, for those who do, marriage is an amazing part of their lives. It seems like everyone has their favorite happy marriage quotes. Some say, "Happiness is being married to your best friend. Staying in love takes practice. It might not be as difficult as you think! So how do you define a happy marriage?
Most people have a laundry list of characteristics they want to have in their present or future marriage. If you agree well enough with your partner on this subject to be able to give each other what you need from the relationship, you're golden. Starting out right is a major hurdle, but you still need to love each other, have a satisfying sexual relationship, communicate well, agree on how to manage practical matters, and remain independent without losing each other.
A happy marriage is like a cake: you can't make one unless you have the right ingredients. Different cakes have different ingredients, of course, but you do need to have a few basic ones that go together to make the kind of cake you're trying to make.
Happy marriages come in many different varieties as well, but without a basic foundation of compatibility, commitment, and a dash of excitement, your marriage is bound to fall flat. When two things are compatible, they aren't necessarily the same. In fact, they usually aren't. Compatibility means that the two things can be together without having problems because of something inherent in their natures.
Before you get married, you need to make sure you can accept your partner for who they are. Later, it's important to develop those characteristics that make you compatible. Commitment is another word that's often misused. For most people, the commitment of marriage is simply an unbreakable promise that you won't have sex with anyone outside the marriage. Others don't mind that so much, but have other points they want their partner to commit to.
Overall, though, the commitment is to do whatever it takes to create and nurture a happy marriage. When you first start out together, excitement is expected. It's that excitement of falling in love that often brings two people to the altar. If you never have that spark, chances are your marriage won't last long. As the marriage continues, though, you need to do exciting things together, so you can still associate your partner with excitement. It isn't just about keeping your sex life fresh.
You might get excitement from any kind of activity you participate in together, from mountain-climbing to building your dream house. Sex isn't everything.
Even love isn't everything. Yet, without these two ingredients, your marriage isn't going to be very happy. The good thing is that these are both factors that can be improved over time. Romantic love and sexual satisfaction are crucial to a happy marriage, but you won't get far if you don't respect each other. Companionship, too, can be extremely important, especially if you stay together for many years. Romantic love is a beautiful thing, but it's oh, so fragile. It's that sparkle in your eyes as you look at each other from across the room.
It's obsessive thoughts that keep you focused on each other constantly. It's the physical pull you feel, drawing you unerringly to each other. If it weren't for romantic love, there would likely be far fewer marriages, happy or otherwise.
If you stay together for long, romantic love will wax and wane. You can't force it to come back sooner, but you can create situations that remind you of those happy days.
You can set aside time for romantic rendezvous or couples vacations to reignite that spark. In the first months or years of a marriage, satisfying your partner may seem easy.
The relationship is new, and everything you do seems novel, just because you've never done those things with each other before.
Even if you lived together before getting married, you may have thrived before simply because you didn't feel any pressure to keep it fresh. You could always leave the relationship easily. Now, though, the pressure is on. If you don't want to go through a divorce, you're going to have to try a little more to satisfy each other. So, what is the secret to keeping sexual love alive? You could take the route of the couples in the play "How to Transcend a Happy Marriage" by trying comarriage, or as it's popularly called, swinging.
You could have an open marriage, having sex with others outside the marriage. Even now that people are more comfortable with their sexuality, most people can't maintain such a marriage for long.
If you can, it might be the right choice for you. The main thing you need to do is to take every lovemaking session as a new experience and never let yourself fall into an emotionless routine. Seek to touch each other physically without withdrawing emotionally or intellectually. Source: pexels. We all want to be respected. A happy marriage allows us to have one special person who respects us no matter what happens.
Respect your partner for the qualities you saw in them when you fell in love with them for the first time. Honor them for who they are as well as what they've done for you and others. Having a companion to do things with, go places with, and have things with is a wonderful benefit of a long marriage.
Companionship is often overlooked as we spend time with our friends. That's important too, of course, but having a friendship within marriage is a great way to build a relationship that can weather illness, disability, age, and time itself. Try taking sex off the table and just spend a day together enjoying each other's company. You might be surprised at how much closer you'll feel the next day.
Trust is one of the most important features of wedded bliss. Yet, there are hundreds if not thousands of ways you could betray your spouse's trust. Stick to whatever agreement you have about sex, and always put your spouse first in this. You can also break trust by promising things and not coming through with them.
So, don't say "I promise" when what you actually mean is "I try to do it if it's easy and convenient. In all matters great and small, prove that when you say something, you will do your utmost to live by your promise. If you're not going to try, don't tell them you will. If you don't communicate well with your partner, you can easily learn better ways of getting your point across. You can take classes in healthy communications, read about it and practice it.
If effective communication still eludes you, couples therapy is a great next step. The goal is to say what you need to say, but say it in a way that honors the good in both of you. It doesn't really matter how many times you say, "I love you," if it's a rote recital of the words, it isn't going to help either of you. You need to say, "I love you" when you're feeling it or when your partner especially needs to hear it.
Instead of trying to say the "right" words, share who you really are and trust that your partner wants to know. Without this emotional honesty, your marriage will be built on platitudes that can't sustain it.
Caring is an important part of communication in a marriage, too. You love this person. They're a major part of your world. If you didn't care about them, why would you even stay in the marriage?
You can't just assume they know you care. You need to think of that caring whenever you communicate with them, even if what you're telling them might be unpleasant for them to hear. Especially then, actually. It's always okay to suggest changes or ask for what you need. It's never okay to belittle them, try to hurt them with your words, or emotionally abuse them in any way.
Therapists often talk about "I statements. An example might be: I feel angry when you're late coming home because I think you don't want to be with me. This reminds both of you that you're the one who's unsatisfied with the relationship.
It also gives them an idea of why you feel the way you do so that they can address the root of the problem rather than the surface issues. Assuming you're going to combine households with your spouse, you have to be able to live with them in your home. Both of you have to contribute, and you need to have enough financial security to satisfy both of you.
A lopsided home is a lopsided marriage.